Surviving Infidelity and
Life after an Affair - Healing and Moving On
Your worst relationship fears have materialized: your partner is cheating. While you may be
experiencing a variety of emotions common to betrayed spouses after an affair - shock, anger, confusion and
sadness - it is nevertheless true that no two affairs are alike. The universal blueprint for infidelity
recovery does not exist. However, there are some unifying themes, causes and coping strategies that, in
combination with the services of a Professional Life Coach, can help put you on the road to surviving infidelity. It will be
a tremendous challenge that will test your strength and mettle, but there IS life after an affair.
In some cases, where the two partners involved are both ready for the honesty, hard work and commitment it
takes, the relationship can be saved. On the other hand, this may not be possible in situations where the cheating
partner expresses no remorse for their actions - or a willingness to stop. Perhaps the betrayal of an affair has
left you with the impression that overcoming infidelity in your current relationship doesn't seem likely or even
possible. Whatever the reasons, the ending of your primary relationship can add a whole new layer to your grief as
you begin the process of surviving
infidelity and moving on.
Surviving Infidelity: The
In the initial days of coping with your former partner's affair, you may feel overwhelmed by emotions that run
from loss to frustration... anger... relief... and back. The expression of strong emotions is a necessary part of
your healing, and may even assist you in surviving infidelity.
It may help as you work through this stage to start a list of identifiable gains and losses. This list will
serve as a reminder of what you are missing - but also what you have escaped - by ending your primary
Surviving Infidelity - Your
Trust - It is important to bear in mind that a lonely,
self-protective mode is a transitory phase during the process of surviving infidelity. This is particularly true if
you surround yourself with valued friends, family and the support of a trained Professional Life Coach.
Identity - In the early days of healing after an affair, you may
not even feel certain who you are anymore. Your sense of security and wholeness is gone. Perhaps your hope for the
future, the assurance of your ability to love and be loved, has been compromised. These wounds to your self-esteem
can be the most painful and devastating as you initiate the process of surviving infidelity.
Stability - You vacillate between anger, tears and despair within
the course of the very same hour. Surviving infidelity can begin as a highly volatile process. Be assured that over
time, with patience, and with the services of a supportive professional, you can once again become the picture of
Surviving Infidelity - Your
Experience - Take comfort in the knowledge that once you have
endured the process of surviving infidelity, you are less likely to fall prey to it again. Take ownership of your
grief, use education as an empowering tool to protect yourself from the future deceit of a loved one. By surviving
infidelity, you are now aware of its warning signs too.
Hope - It may seem impossible right now, but if you have rid
yourself of a toxic relationship, overcoming infidelity opens the door to future happiness. It may take time for
healing, but you deserve to love again, with a partner who values you and your trust.
Character - Once you have achieved success at surviving
infidelity, is it unlikely that you will ever violate the bonds of a relationship in this manner yourself. You are
well aware of the tremendous pain and disruption caused by an affair, and will take steps to avoid inflicting this
anguish on your partner and on your family.
Surviving Infidelity - The First Two
The first fortnight after your separation from a cheating partner is bound to be the most vulnerable. Even if
you've made the right decision, you'll feel the absence of the person with whom you've shared a life. You've been
accustomed to this person, and even if they injured you terribly, it is perfectly normal to feel disoriented
The first two weeks, as awful as they may be, will require your vigilance to sidestep these pitfalls:
Drug/alcohol abuse -
Engulfed in such a confusing range of painful emotions, it may be tempting to self-medicate in an attempt to
get over the affair. But inebriated states only lengthen recovery time, as they mask the feelings you must
logically confront while surviving infidelity and growing stronger.
Contact with Your Ex -
While it may seem perfectly natural to want to reach out to the person with whom, up until recently, you
shared everything, you should resist the urge at all costs. It is crucial to keep in mind, in these early days
of surviving infidelity, that you are unlikely to keep a rational, clear head during any conversation with
your ex-partner. Rage, sentimentality, loneliness - all of these understandable early emotions can and will
compromise your judgment and lead to poor decision making or worse.
Surviving Infidelity - The First 60 to 90
The first two weeks of dealing with infidelity are likely to be the most volatile. But as you work through the
complex issues related to your grief, there are no hard and fast rules for how long the recovery process will take
overall. You may need to live in a state of hyper self-awareness for three months (and perhaps longer) to be
satisfied that you've had the time and care required for surviving infidelity successfully.
You may be tremendously angry at your cheating ex, and it may be tough to shake your feelings of doubt. Did I
cause this? Was there something I could have done to prevent my partner's affair? While it's very true that it
takes two to cause a relationship breakdown, you are definitely not to blame for your partner's dishonesty and
Many victims of disloyalty during this three-month period make the mistake of reconciling with their cheating
partner. Feeling powerless against the formidable winds of loneliness and heartache, they return (so to speak) to
the scene of the crime, mistakenly believing that "this time will be different." The general rule goes like this:
if they cheated before, especially for an extended period of time, they will do so again.
Another common pitfall during the first 90 days of surviving infidelity is the urge to replace the broken
relationship with a fresh new one. The wishful thinking is that the sadness over your ex can be overcome by an
exciting new relationship which will ease your loneliness and provide closure. Not so.
In most cases, the "baggage" from your broken relationship will simply be carried forward to the next one. And
the statistics in support of successful "rebound" relationships do not offer much comfort in this either.
Surviving Infidelity - The Light at the End
of the Tunnel
Surviving infidelity will undoubtedly be one of the toughest, emotionally challenging processes you will ever
endure. Even with the love and support of reliable friends and family, it may be difficult to know where to begin.
The easiest way to regain control of your world after the shattering effects of an affair is to develop an Action
Plan with a Professional Life Coach. A professional
can assist you in gaining control over the grieving process and avoiding any self-destructive behaviors.
No matter how daunting surviving infidelity may appear in the initial days, weeks and months, you can - and you
will - get through this.
help is just a phone call
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