coping with divorce | life after divorce | life after divorce | life after divorce
 

Coping with Divorce - Helpful Recovery Strategies
Avoid Going Crazy and Discover Life After Divorce

Coping with Divorce - Life After Divorce - Get help from a Professional Life CoachYou're coping with divorce - the house feels too quiet and you're at a loss for what to do. For the first time since you can remember, you're now completely on your own. You're coping with divorce in a home you once shared. In the midst of your loneliness and depression, you may find yourself wondering if there's life after divorce. There is, and help is on the way!

Coping with Divorce:
Letting Go of Your Ex

During the first 30 days of life after divorce, you may feel symptoms of pain so real and acute that you're tempted to see a doctor. This is because over the years, you became "addicted" to your spouse. And kicking this habit may be worse, in some ways, than withdrawal from drugs or alcohol.

One of the most attractive qualities of a committed relationship is the comfort of knowing that someone will always be there. It's something most spouses eventually take for granted.

But when a marriage collapses and that person is suddenly missing from your life, the adjustment may be jarring. The first month is the most vulnerable time when it's especially important to surround yourself with trusted friends and family. A Professional Life Coach can help you develop strategies for coping with divorce and getting through this.

Life After Divorce:
"The Withdrawal Symptoms"

No matter how angry you may feel toward your ex right now, it is not unusual to be missing him or her too. Part of the conflict when coping with divorce are the opposing feelings which attack you all at once. If part of you is glad your spouse is gone, still another part may feel a sense of loss.

♦ Anxiety - When initially coping with divorce, you may find yourself plagued with anxiety about your finances, feelings of loneliness, fear about the future, and a whole range of other issues. To some degree, heightened levels of post-divorce anxiety are perfectly normal. However, if you feel that life after divorce has become unmanageable, please seek help from a professional to get through this.

♦ Insomnia - When starting your new life after divorce, it may take some time to get used to that now-empty side of the bed. This adjustment, along with the emotional ups and downs you're feeling, could easily affect your sleep schedule. Insomnia may be a temporary condition, but without care and treatment, it can develop into something worse. Please see your doctor to decide on a treatment plan. Work with your counselor to identify and sort out the emotional issues affecting your rest.

♦ Loneliness - This one word encompasses so many feelings that besiege those starting a new life after divorce. Whether your marriage produced children or not, the bond that once existed between you and your spouse has been severed. Very rarely is a fast adjustment possible, which makes coping with divorce such a challenge.

Coping with Divorce and Backsliding:
Do Not Call Your Ex!

In your most painful moments, it may feel like the easiest solution to life after divorce is simply to make contact with your ex. Like heroin users in a methadone clinic, you may feel that just a little "dose" of interaction with your former spouse will ease your overwhelming feelings of loss. However, if your goal is to build a new life without your former partner, you should - for now - resist the urge to see them.

As you begin your new life after divorce, remember the following before dialing your ex:

1. Your relationship failed for a reason. Is there any basis on which to believe that returning to your ex will produce a different outcome?  If you split because of money, addiction, infidelity, boredom, sexual incompatibility or different life goals, those issues will almost certainly still be there. While a connection with your ex may seem like one method of coping with divorce, right now it won't change anything - and may only make things worse. In fact, you may end up with feelings of disappointment, weakness or regret - feelings that you didn't have before.

2. Stagnation prevents moving on. It may seem unthinkable at the moment, but you are entitled to a new life after divorce. However, it will be very difficult to meet anyone new - or let them in - if you remain focused on a relationship that didn't work. It hurts right now, but the best method of coping with divorce is to keep a safe distance from your former spouse.

3. It's time for something new. Life after divorce means more than just meeting new people. By opening up your mind, and your schedule, you'll have a chance to explore some new activities - including dating. Putting some space between you and your ex leaves you open to many new possibilities.

4. Learn more about yourself. You know who you are - and were - with your ex. There may even be some comfort in that. But aren't you curious to learn what else you may be capable of?  It isn't likely you'll make those discoveries if you run back to the ex who didn't make you happy in the first place.

Coping with Divorce:
Helpful Strategies to Follow

Now that we've outlined the potential withdrawal symptoms you'll experience during the first 30 days of life after divorce, let's talk about constructive coping strategies next. The following list of do's and don'ts will serve as your guide for the first month after your separation.

Do:

Keep yourself constructively occupied: Immerse yourself in work, hobbies, adult education, or travel. Take up a new hobby which has always interested you, like a new business venture, a craft, or learn to play a musical instrument. These activities will help you while coping with divorce by keeping your mind and spirit engaged at the same time.

Enjoy old friendships or make new ones: Life after divorce can present a golden opportunity to reacquaint yourself with old friends - or meet new and interesting people with similar interests.

Talk to a Professional Life Coach to get your creative juices flowing. Surround yourself with experts who can provide you with mental and physical suggestions for coping with divorce, like a financial planner, a massage therapist, or even your family doctor.

Take in a change in scenery: Does everything in your home remind you how alone you are? Then leave! Now is probably not a good time to sell or move, but nothing should stop you from going away for a long weekend. Take that trip you've dreamed about and see your family or good friends who live out of town. Go on a retreat with an adult or religious group. Getting away from the home you've shared with your spouse can provide a much needed perspective while coping with divorce.

Don't:

 Don't busy yourself with unhealthy activities like anonymous sex with multiple partners: While it's normal to crave intimacy when beginning a new life after divorce, it's unlikely that you'll find a real and lasting connection in a stranger's bed.

 Don't attempt to mask your pain with drug or alcohol abuse, impulse spending, and other destructive behaviors. While these coping strategies may produce a temporary "high," you are, in fact, only delaying the grief you will and must experience before you can move on with your new life after divorce.

 Don't become a shut-in: It's understandable that you may not feel much like socializing, especially during the first 30 days of life after divorce. But there are ways to enjoy your time alone, even when it may seem impossible. Read some new books, go see movies you've always wanted to see, or go for long walks outdoors. Learn to love yourself in a new way. It really does get better!

Coping with Divorce and Your Children:
Being There for Your Kids

We've suggested some ways to help you take care of yourself as you begin your new life after divorce. However, if your former marriage produced children, it's important that you stay in contact with them (assuming they aren't living with you) during this transition. If you feel at a loss yourself, imagine how they might be coping with divorce. Your kids now have two parents who live apart. This will almost certainly cause pain and confusion in their young minds.

The anger, loneliness, and sadness felt by you and your former spouse is bound to be reflected in your children. It's especially important to seek the support of a professional to help your family work through this painful period.

A Life Coach can help you develop a 30-Day Action Plan, designed to minimize trauma and preserve everyone's sanity. Think of coaching as a way to kick-start your happiness while you begin your new life after divorce, starting today.

Call for a free coaching session today -
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Call (805) 964-6574

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