husband is gay | why men cheat | surviving infidelity | dealing with infidelity

You Discovered Your Husband is Gay
Why Men Cheat and have Homosexual Affairs

Husband is Gay | Why Men Cheat | You've Discovered your Husband is GayIt is challenging enough at any time to discover that your husband or partner is having an affair. But imagine the even greater shock and conflict when you discover that your husband is gay - as well as unfaithful to you - while engaging in a homosexual liaison outside the boundaries of your heterosexual relationship. Why men cheat under circumstances like these can throw any woman into a tailspin.

You may have valid health concerns on top of feeling violated and angry. According to the Center for Disease Control, in the United States HIV infection and AIDS have had a tremendous effect on gay men. Homosexual males accounted for 71% of all new HIV infections among men in 2005. The health risks alone can be a potent source of rage as a wounded wife wonders why men cheat.

When the former Governor of New Jersey, Jim McGreevey, came out of the closet in 2004, resigning his elected post and separating from his wife of four years, we became aware as a society that closeted gay husbands and fathers are more common in "normal" families than we may think.

When your Husband is Gay -
Why Men Cheat on the Internet

One of the first signals that your husband is gay may be found by tracking your partner's web habits. Does he secretly spend time visiting gay-related websites or hanging out in gay membership chat rooms? Internet infidelity - a Red Flag for trouble ahead - is a symptom of a relationship breakdown. When you add to this the conflicted sexual orientation of your spouse, you've got a recipe for an impending disaster.

Is Homosexual Cheating
Still Considered Adultery?

Any sexual activity outside the confines of a marriage would be considered infidelity in our opinion. The resulting feelings of hurt and betrayal are certainly no less painful when adultery takes place between two men. If your husband is gay, there is still no excuse for cheating.

Why Men Cheat -
Wondering if Your Husband Is Gay

It is worth noting, as an injured woman ponders why men cheat, that a "midlife crisis" may lead to his confession. Statistically, this is often a time when one's identity is questioned - and when homosexual activity occurs outside a traditional marriage.

But it may be difficult, after many years of marriage, to determine on your own that your husband is gay without actually catching him in the act. To help you rule out other possibilities, be alert for any changes in the following areas:

1. His Personality - Is your once sweet and loving partner now behaving like someone you don't recognize? Is he frequently angry, impatient - often appearing frustrated too? While there are many other explanations for this type of behavior, these symptoms are frequently seen when men cheat.

2. His Personal Hygiene/Dress - If your husband was once content to wear sweats around the house but now puts on designer labels just to water the lawn and hang out with his new guy "friends," you may later discover that your husband is gay.

3. Self-Medication - Identity confusion and a drug or alcohol problem often go hand in hand. When trying to understand why men cheat, it helps to look at the underlying symptoms.

4. Excessive Travel/Work Hours - As is the case in any relationship where a man is unfaithful, in a breakdown triggered by a homosexual affair, the cheating partner is often working unusually late hours. Or they engage in frequent and sudden business trips that seem to pop up at the last minute.

Once You Discover Your Husband is Gay, and Cheating,
What Are the Emotional Stages of Recovery?

1. Admission - The first step is to acknowledge that yes - your husband is gay. As silly as it may sound, once you recover from the initial shock, it may be necessary to repeat these words to yourself until you come to terms with it as a fact of your life. Once you have done this, only then will you be able to calmly research why men cheat rather than confronting their homosexuality.

2. Acceptance - If we acknowledge the common scientific theory that people are born either gay or straight, then you cannot change the fact that your husband is gay. You did not do anything to "turn" your husband into a homosexual.

3. Focus - Your cheating husband may be in the middle of a identity crisis, and it may be easy for that crisis to spill over as you confront feelings of anger and betrayal on two fronts: first, that your partner was cheating, and that he may have lied to you about being gay. It is recommended that women work through these issues with the help of a Professional Life Coach.

4. Connect - Seek the comfort of trusted friends and family members to help you combat your natural feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Your Husband is Gay -
Is Divorce Always the Final Outcome?

Review these statements to determine how they apply specifically to you and your cheating partner. If many of them ring true, it may be time to consider whether the marriage can be saved and trust restored, whether your husband is gay or not.

1. Your husband won't see a counselor with you.

2. It is tough to look at your partner and remember anything but his infidelity.

3. Your sex life has greatly suffered, or ceased altogether.

4. You and your husband have stopped spending alone time together.

5. You, your husband, or both, suffer from feelings of entrapment.

Divorce is not always the necessary outcome in a marriage where one partner is gay, or has engaged in a homosexual affair. However, there has to be a willingness to address the issues that caused the cheating in the first place, so you can restore trust once again. It is recommended that both you and your partner work through these issues with a trained Life Coach.

Why Men Cheat -
Confronting Your Husband

After reviewing some of the previous guidelines and checklists, and assessing your own levels of anger, hostility and resentment, decide if you can rationally broach this topic with your partner. If in doubt, we recommend that you and your husband seek professional help. A professional relationship coach will provide encouragement and support and help you address your relationship as a couple.

Get Help when you Discover your Husband is Gay

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