Become Stronger and More
Did you ever stop to think that the lessons learned from a betrayal could help you focus on
becoming stronger, wiser, and more confident? After an affair, while surviving
infidelity you will naturally spend lots of time thinking about your partner and what went wrong.
But it's important to use the time after an affair to squarely face
reality. Ask yourself: What important changes do I need to make in my own life?
Surviving infidelity means switching your focus back to you! Whether you choose to stay and work on the
relationship or leave it, your approach should be focusing on staying true to yourself. Surviving infidelity is a
different process for every person. But no relationship is worth compromising your hopes, plans, and dreams - in
order to please another person. While we all must sacrifice from time to time in a relationship, none of us should
lose ourselves within a relationship - or later while surviving infidelity and regrouping.
Staying with the wrong person is like wearing a pair of tight-fitting shoes throughout life. When surviving
infidelity seems tough, remember to ask yourself, "Are there better things waiting for me up the road?" After an
affair, a new career, a new partner, or a new environment or improved lifestyle can ensure that you get what you
want and need out of life. Or, by opening communication with your cheating partner to "work things out," you may
find more closeness - and an understanding that never existed before. After an affair, some people strive to become
better and more devoted partners. Not everyone who cheats is selfish or wants to destroy their relationship.
Surviving infidelity means facing the fact that something - on some level - wasn't working in your relationship.
It might have been the communication. It might have been your unwillingness to tolerate insensitive in-laws, or
your issues about money. Ask enough questions to reveal the absolute truth after an affair. Ideally, your cheating
partner will be willing to talk about these questions as well. It's important to give your relationship every
possible chance - especially if there are children involved. Surviving infidelity can improve your self-confidence
if you learn to trust your inner voice. Absolute truth will be your guidepost after an affair.
Think about questions like these while surviving infidelity and trying to cope: Were you placing hopes and
dreams on the wrong person? Were you working too much and neglecting your partner? Did you ignore important facts
about how mismatched you are as a couple? Surviving infidelity is often the turning point from wasting years of
your life on the wrong person. So be honest with yourself about your cheating partner. Never sugarcoat his or her
flaws for the sake of your children. Children are very sensitive to the real truth about character issues.
After an Affair: Reflecting on the Wake-Up
Why a Betrayal Can Save Your
"I'm actually thankful another woman enticed my ex-husband to stray," says a woman we'll call Bethany who
reports she's learned a lot after surviving infidelity. "My ex and I married at 18, and two people couldn't have
been more mismatched! I'm now with a partner who shares my values. I'm relaxed at the end of the day instead of
being stressed out!"
Questions involving self-doubt are normal when surviving infidelity. When someone cheats on you, you'll
naturally ask, "Wasn't I good-looking enough? How did I fail to please my partner? Aren't I exciting enough?" But
don't put yourself down. Instead ask, "How are my values and the way I enjoy spending time different than my
partner's? Why am I unwilling to compromise that?" Surviving infidelity should always include staying true to
yourself. Perhaps he or she cheated when you wouldn't bend or change to accommodate their strange or selfish
In surviving infidelity, keep in mind that cheating is always a choice. Even if your partner was seduced at a
vulnerable time, it was still a choice. Surviving infidelity will require you to understand why your spouse or
partner made the decision to cheat. The "why" of that decision will reveal his or her true weaknesses. After an
affair, should you entertain the idea of living with those weaknesses long term?
It's important to remember when surviving infidelity that people often cheat with another person who shares
similar values. And, those values can be beneath your standards of behavior. For example, a man may drift off to a
bar with a woman who drinks martinis five nights a week. Or, he might get involved with someone who has access to
drugs. If those weaknesses insult your moral integrity, you're lucky to have had your dream world shattered sooner
rather than later. Surviving infidelity is easier when you realize one simple fact: You don't want to waste 20
years with someone who's not willing to adhere to your morals and ethics.
Recognize Why You're Above a Bad
Surviving Infidelity via Healthy
There's nothing worse than ignoring your life goals for a bad relationship. After an affair, as you spend time
reflecting on the coping skills you'll need for surviving infidelity, notice how you've had to twist yourself out
of shape for a high maintenance relationship. With a high maintenance partner, you can't just get up and plan your
day. You can't just rise and shine while anticipating work, friends, running errands, and grabbing a nice meal with
With partners like these, you'll have to plot and scheme to keep him or her happy. Watching this type of
person's moods is like watching out for bad weather. With a difficult partner, someone usually spends a lot of
precious time wondering how to manipulate - just to keep the pressure off. With such a person, it often takes major
planning to get your own way - even when getting your way is something simple, healthy, and productive. Most of us
have been in relationships like this at one time or another. Can't you just feel the knots in your stomach which
are caused by this type of relationship?
A difficult partner with a self-centered attitude (who ends up cheating on you) often keeps you busy trying to
steady his or her rocky boat. You won't have the time to row the boat on your own - your energy is spent bending
yourself out of shape to accommodate the quirks of your partner. When you get tired of bending and stretching, your
partner simply goes out and finds someone else who will. Congratulate the person who's foolish enough to accept
this! In surviving infidelity, remember that the third person in your love triangle has freed you up to relax and
focus on your own goals in life. Without that catalyst, you might have been stuck for years in a destructive
If you work through surviving infidelity and find out your mate is very willing to make amends and see a
counselor together, that's great. Not all relationships should be ended after an affair. While surviving
infidelity, the key to saving your relationship is to take a clear look at your partner's positive qualities.
Becoming stronger and more confident will require clear thinking - and facing the facts you may have suppressed
until now. By knowing exactly what you want and deserve after an affair ends, you may decide to hold together a
workable relationship. Or you may choose to end a relationship that cannot meet your needs long-term.
Talking with a relationship expert is a good idea. It's important to discuss the stressful issues you've faced
with someone removed from your personal circle of friends and family. An impartial counselor can help you resolve
the issues that are important and should be dealt with - while helping you to move on with your life, with or
without your current relationship.
As a Professional Certified Life Coach, I'm in a
unique position to help you. For nearly 30 years I've been coaching clients worldwide. My clients come to me for
help surviving infidelity because they want to move on from the trauma and begin to heal. Working together,
we'll create a plan for your emotional survival too.
My work with infidelity started in the early days of the Internet. It was during this period that - working with
a small group of volunteers - I started the world's first online support group for people who became victims of
Internet infidelity and cheating. We worked with hundreds of people worldwide, offering clients much needed support
while they were surviving infidelity and rebuilding their lives.
Working together, you and I will create a successful process to help you let go of the past ... and help you
move beyond surviving infidelity so that ultimately you'll find happiness again.
If you need help surviving infidelity, you'll be in good hands as I've "been there" and have come back with some
powerful insights to share. You can reach me by phone or make a coaching appointment through
this website. There is no charge for your initial consultation.
To make an appointment for a
Free Initial Consultation,
I'm a Penn State and U.C.L.A. graduate with
a Bachelor's Degree in
Psychology and a Master's Degree in Social
Work. I'm a Certified Life Coach too, and I've
worked with thousands of clients worldwide. You can see my professional credentials right here on this
I've created a professional coaching
service that takes advantage of both my academic training over a period of two decades along with my professional
experience coaching clients since 1981.
For more information about my services, feel free to call my office at 805-964-6574 or click here to go to my coaching page.
|"Thank you so much for the awesome coaching session! I got so much clarity and focus
about where I want to go and how to get there. I just got off the phone with my girlfriend and told
her about it, and she commented immediately on the excitement in my voice! Truly amazing!"
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